Half-Off Days At The Asylum

As I round the bases on the third week of my second semester within these halls, I realize that I continue to learn interesting lessons. Some of these lessons have been like leaves, gently falling into my mind through a gentle breeze, delivering small realizations and tidbits of wisdom. Other lessons have been more like a kick to the gut, usually leaving me in bewilderment and shock - although both have been equally appreciated, if not equally delightful.

This week I've been thinking a lot about "modernity" and how this concept shapes our way of thinking and acting. The basic concept suggests that in this post-modern world, we have lost touch with our fellow human in exchange for those modern conveniences that we cling to.  Indeed, as I traverse the hallowed grounds of the university, I find myself surrounded by automatons - eyes glued to their so-called smart phones and blindly stumbling around campus while their cranked-up iPods blast the latest - did anyone say zombie apocalypse?

Witnessing this sea of technologically savvy, anti-social miscreants, one would think twice before attempting to engage anyone in human interaction. One full semester of sitting alone in the university library or the student union building, paralyzed by my own self-doubt was enough alone time for me. However, getting over the hurdle and putting myself "out-there" - a dreaded process worthy of song and drink - was not as easy as those episodes of Full House had me believe. Thanks for nothing, John Stamos.

So I packed away my self-doubt, raised my head high and plunged into the depths. Well, needless to say that my first few forays into this unknown were less than successful. This strange process that I decided to engage in was far more complicated and intimidating than I had initially anticipated. Approaching and getting-to-know interesting people - particularly women -  became so daunting that by last week, I was over it.

But this is supposed to be the year of big change, right? After many-an-hour of thinking it over, I came to the conclusion that I need to create the world I want to live in. If I find someone interesting, I'm going to get off my ass and do something about it - damn the consequences. I'm working to create a new life that's free from guilt, free from regret, and shed that insistent low self-esteem that tends to creep its ugly little head in. I'm done obsessing over what people think of me and I'm done with the tireless exercise of attempting to appear as if I know everything - I'm going to allow myself to look stupid every so often and embrace it when it comes along!

As the ever-wonderful, Bill Murray once shouted to his therapist, "I'm doin' the work! I'm baby steppin'! I'm not a slacker!"

With all this self-betterment I'm working on, I may not actually have to wait for that big sale at my local insane asylum. 

Cocktail of the Week

Classic Gin and Tonic.

Fill a chilled, 12 oz. glass with ice.

Pour 2 oz. of Bombay gin.

Top it off with tonic water.

A wedge of lemon & lime (the true secret to libation perfection).

Best enjoyed to the  musical perfection of Chet Baker.

Happy Tuesday! 

A Life In Denim

Why I've made the decision to enter the long-trodden road of the blogosphere - where no thought or tale-of-woe go untold.

I've been traveling the long road of change and growth over the past year, and dare I say, I'm currently working to find myself. This statement alone conjures images of overly-perky sorority girls, binge drinking to the musical selections of Lady Gaga and discovering their sexual side. Needless to say, dear reader, that's not quite the journey I have in mind for myself.

After nearly a decade of working within the realm of so-called conservative politics - more accurately, working as a political hit-man - I came to the realization that I remained unfulfilled. The endless barrage of direct mail that had to be created, campaign plans that had to be drafted, and my uncertain future between election cycles, coupled with the constant needs (and self-aggrandizing) of clients - while my personal needs were constantly on the back burner - finally became too much for my sanity (and my soul) to handle.

So, like many lost souls before me, I returned to the hallowed halls of higher education. It is within these halls that I hope to explore the inner-me, by opening myself to possibilities and new ideas - while hopefully working to atone for a lifetime of personal and professional sins.

I suppose the over-riding reason I decided to add my scribbles into the sea of personal journals, blogs, Tweets, and Facebook posts is simply, 'perspective'. So many times we (as in people) travel the road to better ourselves, yet somewhere during that journey, we lose our goal and forget what we set-out to accomplish in the first place. This blog will be my forum to document the personal goals I set for myself, and hopefully, keep me grounded. I feel like Doogie Howser, already!

The idea behind the name of my little corner of blogtopia.

During my first semester within the halls of knowledge (and my first sixteen weeks of self-exploration), I began to read the works of Raymond Carver (pictured in all of his glory, above). After reading my first Carver story (Menudo) I was hooked, and I haven't looked back. Carver's work speaks to me in a way that isn't flowery, or polite and he doesn't work to spin the truth about humanity. Carver exposes our inner-fears in a raw context, stripping away the glib to expose the dirt, hardship, and sadness of regular people. The works of Raymond Carver are exactly what I needed to help me begin this process. I never thought that a writer could touch me so much as to prompt so much personal change and inspiration.

As I began the process of creating this blog, I was reading Carver's "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love." So the title of this little blog is my personal homage to Mr. Carver. It was Carver that helped me take my first step into the realm of change, and it's Carver that will provide my new personal motto, "This time, next year, things will be better."

As I exchanged my supple-leather brief case for a vinyl backpack, purchased at Wal-Mart's Back to School Sale – something I would describe as more of an extravaganza than a mere sale - it became evident that I was committed to this personal journey - the die had been cast. So, for the near future, I hope to keep my blog up to date, as to reflect on the constant (and sometimes overwhelming) changes that occur, navigating my new life in denim.

Salud!